


Under the Skin

by WolfyWordWeaver



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Attempted Sexual Assault, Derogatory Language, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Language, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Folklore, Friendship, Gender Dysphoria, Getting Together, M/M, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Religious Conflict, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Sirius Black, Transitioning, Verbal Abuse, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:46:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22288105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfyWordWeaver/pseuds/WolfyWordWeaver
Summary: Sirius Black has to deal with finally coming out as trans to his family and to the general society and all is not well, but when he's invited to a bachelor party he feels like it's a step towards being accepted and a great opportunity to see his brother again. That night becomes the fulcrum to a summer of learning, healing, loving, and growing. Remus has secrets he carries too, and who knew that Severus would actually become a friend?
Relationships: James Potter/Severus Snape, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 90





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: there will be plenty of mentions of the stress and anxiety that comes with being trans and newly "out" in addition to non-supportive people and harsh language against the trans character. Also mentions of depression, anxiety, and concerns for mental welfare. There is a scene of physical assault and attempted rape and I think that it was built up enough to be obvious where that takes place in the story.
> 
> Thankfully, there are also good friends, supportive families, and get-togethers. 
> 
> The background is the Ozarks region of the United States (Missouri, Oklahoma, Arkansas area) but specifically near the Branson, MO area. There are region appropriate mentions of guns and hunting. I also was not concerned about actual laws when writing about some of the legal issues that the characters have to work through as they were minor and plausible. 
> 
> I think that covers everything, but feel free to let me know if I should update any tags or warnings.

_The crashing sounds of feet stumbling through the woods blindly couldn't cover the panting breath and gasps. Strips of moonlight filtered through the tree branches, dappled across the brush and vines that tangled around his feet. It would have been a beautiful sight if it hadn't been for the jeering and vile words he could still hear behind him. Tears stung at his eyes as he struggled to get away, a ball of dread settling in his stomach. His sneaker caught on something - a rock, a vine, maybe a broken branch - and there was a loud popping sound as he tumbled down into the still moist dirt and decaying leaves. Insects were buzzing happily in the muggy evening air and it felt as if his entire senses were flooded by those horrid sounds for a few seconds before a burning pain shot through his ankle and he was crying out in agony._

_Hearing the voices get louder and the laughter, Sirius did his best to clamp his mouth shut and move via a desperate crawl. It was hopeless. He couldn't outrun them with two good legs, so how did he plan to get away with a potentially broken ankle? Mud smeared across his face as he brushed away the frightened and pained tears, desperate for any escape. Please, there had to be a way out of this!_

_"H-help," he whispered into the dirt, arms and lungs burning. "Help me."_

_The snapping of a twig and the shuffle of brush from ahead startled the young man and when he looked up all sense of hope seemed to vanish completely on the spot. A snarling snout painted by moonlight appeared, the drool dripping ominously, and golden eyes fixed right on his trembling figure. There was no running now._

**

Regulus' hand was tightly clasped in his under the table as they sat quietly at the restaurant where Mother and Father would be meeting with them. Sirius was sweating already and Regulus looked like he might be sick at any moment. This had been a terrible breech in protocol for greeting their parents at the end of the school term, but it had been the only way that Sirius could work out that would minimize humiliation and maximize the potential for protection against the physical assaults that he would undoubtedly endure otherwise. James and his parents were eating at a table not far away as backup, but it barely assuaged his fears. He could feel the tremble in Regulus' fingers.

"I love you, Reggie," he whispered softly as he caught sight of a familiar elegant updo being directed towards them from across the room. "It doesn't matter what they say, I love you."

"M-me too."

Sirius nodded before offering one last warm squeeze and pulling his hand away. He rubbed the clammy sweat onto his trousers before he and Regulus stood at the appearance of their Mother and Father at the table. He could see the confusion on their faces before the frightening blankness brushed across their beautifully sculpted features. Those stone faces did not endear hope for how this would all turn out. The waiter took their orders for drinks as Walburga took a seat first and the rest followed. Her eyes were sharper than the razor blade Sirius had gotten well acquainted with this past year. None of them spoke until after the waiter came with the drinks and took their lunch orders. It was all fake smiles and polite words, a dangerous warning, before he was gone and the two stern eyes were leveled on him.

"What is the meaning of this?" Orion demanded, the quietness of his volume not removing the edge from his words.

He had been preparing for this moment for months, but all those carefully practiced lines took flight and left him with a terrified and empty brain. "Um, w-well-"

"You are not a filthy pauper," Walburga snapped in agitation. "Blacks do not _stammer_."

Sirius could already feel his resolve crumbling away like a stick of chalk left out in the summer rain. What was he thinking? How could he do this? His eyes glanced over to Regulus and he could see that his brother was sweating and staring firmly at the napkin on his lap. Looking back up, he could see James glancing over worriedly from his own seat several tables down.

"If this is another one of your ridiculous attempts to test our patience with your rebellion, Siri, then let me go ahead and put a stop to this." Orion was speaking again, each syllable like the stamp of law being etched into stone. "You are far too old to be doing this and your mother and I have run out of patience."

"I'm not...it's not that...." Swallowing thickly, he focused his her nervous energy into twisting the cloth napkin tightly. "Mother, Father, this is who I am."

"The cunt between your legs says otherwise," Walburga hissed cruelly, "and no amount of playing dress up will change that. Your disgusting display is offensive and we expect you to leave her before the food is served and come back dressed in something befitting your status as our eldest daughter."

It wasn't that he had exactly expected them to welcome him with open arms, but the verbal jabs still cut deeply. It had taken him weeks to settle on which of James' old suits to use, tailoring it to his measurements. The visual image of having to throw it in the garbage bin and put on another one of those stifling, anxiety inducing dresses was almost enough to make him cry.

"N-no, Mother," he whispered, consciously trying to keep their conversation private. Blacks didn't air their dirty laundry for others to see. "This is who I am. I'm claiming my full name, Sirius Orion Black and I'm claiming my correct gender. I'm a boy."

Orion gave Walburga a heated glare before turning it towards Sirius. "You know that your name was based on tradition. It was not intended to give you delusions of being what you are not. Regulus is our son and you are our daughter."

"You named me that because mother just knew that I was a boy!" Sirius insisted, still careful to keep his voice appropriately low. "She could tell that I was a boy in the womb and she was right! Even if you named me something like Andromeda, that still wouldn't change the fact that I'm a boy!"

"It was a foolish mother's mistake," Walburga jumped in. "Intuition is nothing against _facts_ , Siri, and you cannot change the facts of your biology."

"This is the last time that I will ask politely," Orion warned, his Asian eyes further narrowed in anger. "Go downstairs and get out of that ridiculous get up before joining us for lunch."

He felt the napkin tear a little, finally giving way to the pressure. Desperate grey eyes found James again, knowing that he needed the strength that only his best friend could provide. "N-no. This is who I am."

It felt as if the whole room dropped 20 degrees. Walburga's words were cold and concise. "You will be completely cut off from our family. We will not tolerate this depravity! You will not be sullying this family's esteemed name!"

"You may leave the table now," Orion commanded, his words falsely sweet. "And I expect you to never come back. Even if you get over this little phase, we are through with you, Siri."

All his years of learning to hide his true emotions seemed to have been for this very moment as he stood up and politely bowed to the both of them. "Thank you for your time," he muttered before shakily staggering out towards the door. 

One step in front of the other and repeat. Over and over until he was outside in the sweet spring air that had a bit of heat to it. Summer was moving in quickly this year. His legs seemed to be unable to support him anymore and he would have tumbled right into the cement if strong lanky arms hadn't wrapped around him.

"It's okay, Sirius," James whispered as he began sobbing. "It's okay, man. Mom and Dad will be out in a sec and we can go home, okay?"

"Let's g-go home," Sirius sobbed, trying to cry out those damning words.

**

"Please enjoy the game!" Sirius uttered as enthusiastically as possible. He was afraid that his plastered on smile was going to crack any minute and that he wouldn't be able to keep up with the cheerful front door attendant persona. It had been a terrible day for his anxiety, but he needed the money. Another couple moved forward and he rang them up for seats before again wishing them a good game. 

Thankfully, a familiar voice broke through his shaky mental state. "Hey, Sirius! Let's switch places!"

" _Thank you_!" He breathed against James' shoulder and the taller boy laughed. 

"I could see the vein throbbing at your temple from across the room!" he teased. "Peter's still at the concessions table if you want to try to swap with him."

"Nah, I think I'll stick with ushering." He took a deep breath and released it slowly. "Most people know where they're going anyway."

James patted him on the cheek affectionately before cheerfully greeting the next customer up. Sirius walked over to the concession stand to get a soda before moving towards his position as an usher. The local baseball team had a decent following and had been around for so long that most everyone was attending the game had already come to one before and was familiar with the layout. The most he usually had to do was help an elderly man or woman down the steps and make sure that the highschoolers weren't littering. 

Slurping on his cherry berry root beer (a Peter Pettigrew specialty) he stood at the appropriate entrance, nodding kindly to the people walking past but keeping himself relatively obscure. It was definitely weird to be spending his summer break in America rather than back home in Singapore and not for the first time he ached for the delicious food and the varied pool of languages. Here in the strange Ozarks region, there was basically just English. Around the Universities he was more likely to catch Standard Mandarin or Hindi or even Bengali, but usually over the summer foreign exchange students would have returned home so they didn't often appear at these games until near the end of the season. The scent of grilled hot dogs couldn't really compare to his favorite hawker stalls.

"Pardon, could you help me find my seat?"

Sirius inhaled his soda down the wrong tube and had to cough embarrassingly for a minute before he looked up with watery eyes to see the most handsome man he had ever seen in his short 16 years of life. Red painted his cheeks even more deeply as he wiped the spittle from his chin with the back of his hand and he forced words out through his sore throat. "Er, yes, absolutely. Sorry, that was gross."

The young man grinned and just shook his head like he didn't care. "My seat?"

"Um, yeah, let me see that ticket." Their fingers brushed as he took the ticket and he had to stifle down a squeal of delight. Peeking from under his eyelashes he took in the golden brown skin, the dirty blond curls, the hazel eyes. All perfectly delicious and wrapped up in a body taller than him. "Y-your seat is over this way," he croaked, still wearing a deep blush. 

"Thanks...?"

"Oh, Sirius. Like the star."

The boy looked amused and Sirius wondered if maybe he should have picked another name to go with when he started his transition. "Okay. Thanks, Sirius. How's that spelled? I'm shit at astronomy."

"S-I-R-I-U-S." He was wandering past his designated ushering area, but he didn't want to let someone else help this gorgeous boy out. "What's your name?"

"Didn't you see it on the ticket?" he teased and Sirius jerked his head to look down at the ticket only to frown in confusion.

"Lily?"

The boy laughed and shook his head. "I'm just teasing. That's my friend who bought the tickets. I'm Remus."

Sirius laughed too, relieved that he hadn't messed up. "You're a cheeky bastard," he teased in response, shoving his shoulder lightly into the other. Remus gave him a million dollar smile and he was sorely disappointed that they finally came up to the seats. "Well, here's your seat. It's 3, right next to the young lady. See the metal plate at the top...yeah, right there."

Remus turned and gave him a final crooked grin. "Thanks for your help."

"Enjoy your game," he replied warmly. 

Feeling decidedly better about the day, Sirius skipped up the cement steps and made his way back to his drink and his post.

**

Severus Snape and Sirius Black had never gotten along much which only made it more awkward as the lanky boy held out the crisp cardstock invitation. Sirius stared at him suspiciously. "What's that for?"

Severus rolled his eyes. "You don't recognize the Malfoy crest? Aren't you supposed to be rich like them?"

Sirius bristled. "My cousin's marrying the git, not me! Why would I care about stuff like that?"

The other boy sighed in annoyance. "Look, I just wanted to deliver this. Take it so I can get back to my side of the stadium."

"What's it for?" Sirius pressed again.

"It's an invitation for Lucius' bachelor party." This made the disgraced Black's jaw drop. "I think he said something about Narcissa twisting his arm about it."

"A bachelor party?" he whispered, taking the invitation and tearing off the wax seal to see the details for a huge bash at the Malfoy Manor. Only men allowed. Besides strippers and such, Sirius figured. "For men only," he murmured out loud, completely hung up on that fact.

"Of course, Sirius, it's a Bachelor Party," Severus grumbled. "Aren't you a man now anyway? It's not like you could show up to the Hen Party."

For the first time since they met, Sirius gave Severus a huge grin. He was touched. "Thanks for saying that, Severus. I mean, I know that it's not your...in your belief system, but thanks. It means a lot."

The other usher looked distinctly uncomfortable with the warm feelings and looked away almost in more annoyance. "Hell, Sirius. No need to get mushy. Anyway, there's your invite. Obviously Potter and Pettigrew aren't invited, so if you _need_ a ride, and I mean only as a utterly last resort, I could take you."

Looking down at the invitation, Sirius bit his lip. The party would have relatives and others who were more along the lines of his parents' thinking, but surely this was going to be a big bash if Severus was invited too. He wasn't exactly close enough to Lucius to be invited to a close friends and family only gathering. "I don't know..."

"Regulus is going to be there," he muttered. 

His heart leaped into his throat thinking about his poor younger brother. They had been forbidden to contact each other since the disownment a couple of months back and he really missed their conversations. Sirius also wanted to see how he was holding up to their parents. "Okay, I'll go," he responded quickly. "I can pay for the gas if you'll pick me up."

Severus nodded and they exchanged phone numbers before the lanky boy was rushing off to be in his section of the stadium. Grinning at the invitation, Sirius wondered if maybe his cousins weren't quite as indoctrinated by the family values as they had seemed to be. It was pleasant to think that maybe he wouldn't be alone.

**

James hadn't been thrilled about Sirius going off to the party on his own without Peter and himself as backup. "People are still giving you shit," he insisted with arms crossed over his chest and glasses sliding down his nose.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I know, but it's not like I'm crashing the party. I got an official invite with a seal and everything. There's rules about that, you know. Messing with the guests. Besides, Regulus will be there."

This time it was James who rolled his eyes. "Yeah, that scrawny kid will be _great_ backup in a fistfight. Shit, he's more likely to hurt himself than anyone else!"

Double checking his outfit of dark jeans and a button up, he turned to James. "Listen, _Mum_ , I won't even stay that long. Just for a couple of hours and I won't even drink any alcohol. If Severus doesn't want to bring me back home I'll just call you. Your mom wouldn't mind if you're using your permit for that." With a huff, he spread out his hands. "How do I look?"

James smiled softly, the look of brotherly concern seeming to be a constant fixture on his face ever since Sirius had confided in him about being trans. "You look great, Sirius. You always do."

A witty remark died quickly in Sirius' throat as he saw the concern linger. It had been a strange transition for their friendship, something that he hadn't really thought much about until they were in the thick of it. He had known James since they were 10 years old and had grown with him through many years of awkwardness and silliness. Even presenting as a female, Sirius had never had much luck making friends with girls and had found it so much easier to be with guys. He understood them and could be more himself around them all. That included arm wresting matches, tickle fights, burping contests, and so much more. James had always been like a brother, and a protective one at that, but when he started his transition in the middle of the school year the bullying started in earnest and it had really shaken James up. He did his best to understand what Sirius was going through and tried not to treat him differently, but he couldn't seem to wrap his mind around how he should treat Sirius especially when being bullied. Peter tended to follow James' lead on the matter which had left them in a strange state of transitioning relationship.

"Look, it'll be fine," he soothed, putting a hand on James' arm. "If I don't feel safe I'll just get out of there. I'll text or call you right away, okay?"

"Is your phone charged?"

"Yup, at 100% right now."

They stared at each other for a few seconds before Sirius jumped into James' arms for a hug like he used to. James squeezed him tightly and pressed a kiss to the side of his neck. "Go have fun, okay?

"Will do!"

**

Like he had been anticipating, there were well over a hundred people frolicking through the manor, the decor for this particular celebration being a far cry from its usual level of distinguished.

"Are those peacocks?" Sirius whispered to Severus as they pushed through the crowd congregated on the front lawn dancing to the crazed music that the DJ was doling out. 

Sirius recognized a good portion of the people in attendance, but it seemed that almost no one recognized him. He was glad for it as that meant less chance of being bothered by anyone who had a problem. By some miracle he stumbled across Regulus near the start of the evening, and the two brothers stood in a quiet corner catching up. Sirius made sure to take a selfie with him and texted it to James to put the other boy at ease. A winking emoji revealed that it had worked. 

Food and drinks were passed around and the two had a good time trying the American hor d'oeuvres and laughing over the fruity drinks. Sirius was glad to hear that their parents had decided to tread carefully around Regulus for fear that he would suddenly turn into a woman on them and ruin their entire family line. They continued to insist on strict rules around digital communication so there wouldn't be any texting or emailing when Regulus went back home, but they were comforted by the fact that he was still going to be attending Hogwarts until graduation. It was a rather famous Presbyterian boarding school, one of the only ones in the United States of America that people from other countries paid attention to and it had been one that both Orion and Walburga had attended back in their day. 

"I've got to find the restroom," Sirius grumbled as he patted his brother's shoulder. "I'll be right back."

Finding a bathroom or powder room wasn't too difficult, but finding one unoccupied by men being serviced was a bit more of a challenge. He didn't think much of moving away from the larger crowd to find a place to relieve his bowels and it wasn't even until he was washing his hands that voices down the hall made his heart start to hammer. Taking a deep breath, Sirius tried to remind himself that it was probably nothing. There were hundreds of people out there and lots of drinks so maybe they were looking for a bathroom too? Keeping his head down, he stepped out of the room and brushed past the small group of men who were whispering and cackling to each other. Walking quickly, Sirius focused on getting back into the ballroom, but an iron hand clamped down on his arm. 

"Hey, isn't it Siri? Whatcha doin' here girly?"

He glared over his shoulder and tried to pull his arm away. "Fuck off Dolohov!"

The older boy started laughing and his grip bore down even harder. "Didn't Malfoy say that the only girls allowed tonight were strippers and whores?" he asked to a round of laughter.

"I'm not a girl!" Sirius hissed, still struggling. "And I'm expected! Someone is going to notice pretty quickly if I don't get back!" It was difficult to not start screeching in fear and desperation, but he still had hopes to get out without creating a huge ruckus.

Goyle grinned nastily. "Hmm, does that mean little Regulus is the bitch in the family? What do you think boys, should we go find out?"

The blood drained from Sirius' face. "You wouldn't dare! He's the heir to the House of Black!"

"House of Black? Ha! You're kidding yourself if you think that any of the old bloods have any respect left for that fucking family!"

"Yeah," Dolohov taunted, "everyone's already heard of their pervert bitch wanting to be a boy and there are already rumors going on about just how much incest your family puts up with."

"Did Daddy make you that way?" Crabbe crooned and Sirius couldn't help but throw a punch into that snide face.

"Fuck you!" he screamed angrily, punching and kicking and scratching as best as he could.

It wasn't good odds, three against one, especially when two of them were meatheads, and Sirius felt the panic as they dragged him out the back door kicking and screaming. The bloody music was too loud and the roar of conversation made it impossible for anyone to hear his cries for help, especially when the fireworks began shooting across the sky. As panicked as he was, Sirius knew that he could take a beating if it came to it. They wouldn't be stupid enough to fatally wound him, especially at the party of one of the wealthiest men in the area. It wouldn't reflect well on the Malfoy hospitality. James could patch him up and he'd be good to go in a couple of weeks. Even if they broke something, he could still take it.

The moment Dolohov started tugging at his jeans, Sirius lost his mind. "No, fuck, shit, nooo!!!!!"

That seemed to only make the drunk men laugh even harder as they traded rude barbs of how exactly they were going to "cure" him and make him realize that he was nothing but a bitch. White hot panic boiled through his blood as he saw the large round moon hanging in the sky as a completely passive observer. Little whispers in his mind spoke of moon-craze, of people who lost all their senses and went wild under the mysterious powers of that moon, and with more strength than he knew that he possessed Sirius jerked a leg away and slammed the heel firmly into Crabbe's laughing face. There was a sickening crunch and loud screams and curses before he felt himself dropped to the ground. The friends were reacting instinctively to help him out and it was that tiny opening that made Sirius scramble to his feet and dash into the woods. They were between him and the manor and in that flat expanse of grass he had no chance of outrunning them. Desperate for the cover of the forest to hide him and maybe give him the opportunity to swing around and make it back to the manor, Sirius ran as fast as he could.

The crashing sounds of feet stumbling through the woods blindly couldn't cover the panting breath and gasps. Strips of moonlight filtered through the tree branches, dappled across the brush and vines that tangled around his feet. It would have been a beautiful sight if it hadn't been for the jeering and vile words he could still hear behind him. Tears stung at his eyes as he struggled to get away, a ball of dread settling in his stomach. His sneaker caught on something - a rock, a vine, maybe a broken branch - and there was a loud popping sound as he tumbled down into the still moist dirt and decaying leaves. Insects were buzzing happily in the muggy evening air and it felt as if his entire senses were flooded by those horrid sounds for a few seconds before a burning pain shot through his ankle and he was crying out in agony.

Hearing the voices get louder and the laughter, Sirius did his best to clamp his mouth shut and move via a desperate crawl despite the pain in his arm. It was hopeless. He couldn't outrun them with two good legs, so how did he plan to get away with a potentially broken ankle? Mud smeared across his face as he brushed away the frightened and pained tears, desperate for any escape. _Please,_ there had to be a way out of this!

"H-help," he whispered into the dirt, arms and lungs burning. "Help me."

The snapping of a twig and the shuffle of brush from ahead startled the young man and when he looked up all sense of hope seemed to vanish completely on the spot. A snarling snout painted by moonlight appeared, the drool dripping ominously, and golden eyes fixed right on his trembling figure. There was no running now.

If he hadn't already relieved himself that evening, Sirius was sure that he would have completely soiled himself. The fear of being caught by the raving lunatics behind him seemed to be swallowed up in the fear of his soon-to-be demise. He hadn't ever really thought about how he would die, but being eaten alive by a wild animal hadn't even seemed a remote possibility. The massive wolf moved forward slowly, hackles raised and a deep growl in its throat. The paws thumping into the moist dirty were probably larger than his own hands and Sirius wondered if this thing was actually a bear; a mutant bear with a very distinctive canine face. He was choking down air in short panicked bursts, hoping beyond all hope that if he just remained still on the ground, eyes focused on the beast's paws, that maybe it wouldn't see him. He tried to ignore the voice stating that canines had damned good noses and didn't need vision to hunt him down. The wet snout bumped against his cheek and the nose made a strange snuffling sound before huffing out a hot putrid breath. There was blood in that gaping maw and Sirius couldn't help the whimper that bubbled past his throat. Drool rolled down against his bruised cheek.

"Help," he whispered even more quietly, hoping that any benevolent deity or supernatural force would take pity on him. Wasn't being assaulted and almost raped enough for one night? Couldn't Karma swing things in the other direction?

The snuffling continued in his hair and Sirius wondered if his shampoo smelt offensive to the beast. Or maybe it was trying to find a way past his shoulder-length hair so that it could sink its teeth into the back of his neck? Wasn't that how wolves liked to kill? No, that was mountain lions. Wolves liked going for the throat. The loud sounds of stumbling through brush along with a few loud crude statements reminded Sirius that he wasn't alone in the woods and the growling over him increased in volume. The monstrous wolf stepped over to straddle Sirius and he felt a nip at the back of his knees making him cry out in fear before clamping a hand over his mouth again. There was another huff and a shuffling of paws before he felt a warm heat spread over his back and down his backside. Still in complete shock, it wasn't until the overpowering scent hit his nose that Sirius realized that the thing had taken a piss on him and vomit finally erupted past his lips and onto the ground in front of him. The retching continued completely out of his control and with the trembling going through his body Sirius thought that if the wolf didn't eat him and the drunk men didn't beat him to death then he'd probably die of a nervous breakdown.

An ear-piercing howl sounded right behind him, sounding angry, and the sounds of the three guys chasing him down died immediately. Even the constant sounds of frogs and insects hushed reverently. This wolf was king of this domain.

"Sh-shit, did you hear that?" he could hear Dolohov ask.

"N-no way," Goyle chuckled. "There's no fucking wolves here."

"Maybe thath wash a coyote," Crabbe tried to whisper, but their voices were all carrying too well on the humid air. His nose must have been broken.

The wolf began growling again and it strode towards the men were loud purposeful strides. Weren't wolves supposed to be quiet when hunting? Did they even hunt humans? Sparing a glance over his shoulder, Sirius couldn't see the men or the beast so he pushed up onto his good leg shakily and began hobbling away from where it sounded like they were. 

His fall had completely disoriented him, and he struggled to find good astrological points of reference through the full tree canopies, so he made his best guesses to the direction of the manor and limped and crawled as fast as he could. The sudden screams of terror and angry howls from not far off hit Sirius like a shot to the chest and he tried to scramble even faster away from what was sure to be a gruesome scene. Even if he had been in fear for his life, Sirius couldn't find it in himself to feel any satisfaction in such a demise for those three. He couldn't imagine anyone deserving to be mauled to death.

A sudden thought hit him almost as hard as he began patting down his pockets for his phone. He needed to call for help! Dread followed almost immediately as he came up empty-handed. Great! A fully charged phone was useless if it wasn't on his person. Nearly screaming in frustration and fear, he continued moving even after the sounds of screaming faded out leaving the chorus of crickets and toads to carry on as they had before being interrupted. The heavy sounds of brush being trampled behind him clawed fresh terror down his back and in desperation he tried putting weight on his injured ankle to have a better shot at running, but the pain was white hot and took him down to his hands and knees again. 

Fur brushed against his side and a heavy snout swiped against his shoulder, knocking him to his back. He began screaming in terror, seeing that wet muzzle before it clamped down on his bad leg and started dragging him. Instinctively he sat up and grabbing a nearby stick he hit the beast right across the face, anything to delay the inevitable. The wolf leaped back and shook it's head in aggravation before coiling its muscles and pouncing against his chest. The wind was completely knocked out of him and a solid thump to the back of his head knocked him out.

**

It was a warmth against him that Sirius first became aware of when consciousness began to trickle through the haze of the dreamland. Warmth and an earthy cocoon of scents. There was a light burning against the back of his eyelids but it wasn't harsh enough to hurt. What did hurt, he realized fairly quickly, was most everything else. Pain throbbed from his left leg all they way up to his hip and his right arm felt wrapped in a blanket of pain. Fingers burned raw as if he had been trying to claw through something solid and his left hand felt oddly thick as if swollen. Gritting his teeth in pain, Sirius tried to sit up as he struggled to get his eyes open, but realized that there was an actual heavy weight across his chest and it wasn't another pain. Prying his swollen eyes open, the sunlight was momentarily blinding and he groaned softly before his vision cleared enough to see the leaves dancing softly overhead.

The warm next to him moved and Sirius froze, memories of the snarling muzzle and the huge beast rushing through him. Confusion and befuddlement flooded through him as a figure sat up next to him, yawning lazily. A very human figure. A very human and very naked figure.

"What the hell?!" he shrieked as he rolled over and tried to get away before crumpling in pain and gasping. Crawling was no longer even an option with how thrashed his hands and arms were.

"Hey, hey, take a breath, okay?" The voice was oddly familiar, and Sirius looked over his should with shaky breathes to see kind hazel eyes and terribly mussed golden curls. His mouth dropped open and he stared at that out-of-place face before looking down at the exposed chest and jerking his eyes right back up to the sheepish face. "Asking you not to freak out is kind of a ridiculous request, but I'd like to make it anyway."

" _You_ ," Sirius blurted out, realizing that he had a split lip too. Hell, those fuckers did a number on him.

The naked boy had the decency to look embarrassed. "Yeah, sorry about this, Sirius. My name is Remus, in case you forgot."

"I didn't!"

They sat there staring at each other for a few seconds and Sirius wondered why he seemed so comfortable in the nude. 

"Um, good morning. Hi. Yeah, last night was crazy."

Sirius just stared. That mouth was moving and he was speaking English, but the words didn't seem to make sense. Was he being casual about the most horrifying and traumatic night of Sirius' life.

"Crazy?! CRAZY?!"

He kicked angrily at the boy with his one good limb and felt a little better when Remus didn't try to dodge it.

"Yeah, sorry, it's just that something like that is pretty unusual for me too. And you know when a werewolf says that he's had an unusual night it's a pretty fucking weird one."

Snorting in stupification, Sirius looked around at his surroundings. It was all wooded land like the ones that surrounded the Malfoy Manor, but it all looked quite the same and he could see no signs of civilization.

"Am I dead?" he asked incredulously. "I mean, I hurt an awful lot to be dead, but this doesn't make sense otherwise. Maybe I'm in a coma?"

"No, you're not dead," Remus yawned as he stretched out. "Do you mind if I help you up? I've got clothes at the cottage, so maybe we can just talk about this when I'm not in my birthday suit?"

Looking down at himself, Sirius winced at the visible damage. There was no way he was moving anywhere on his own. "I...I don't think I can move much."

Remus frowned sadly and nodded. "Sorry about that, Sirius. I should have gotten there sooner. Is it okay if I pick you up?" Not seeing any other option, he nodded shyly. He knew that he wasn't exactly the lightest person in the world, but he gasped in surprise as Remus hefted him up bridal style with seemingly no effort. The blond grinned sheepishly. "Werewolf," he stated in explanation before striding off purposefully. 

Sirius tried not to focus on the fact that he was being held up close against a very naked body of a very handsome boy who seemed way too familiar with these woods. And with walking around naked.

"Do you live near here?" he mumbled softly before prodding the bloody cut on his lip with the tip of his tongue.

"My grandmother does," he replied cheerfully. "She'll have made a nice hot breakfast that you're welcome to. Um, well, let's go wash up in the stream real quick."

Wrinkling his nose as he remembered what exactly he went through last night he stared accusingly at the now blushing boy. "You fucking pissed on me!"

"Ha, yeah, sorry about that. I just needed to mark you for your safety and that seemed a better option than, you know, ejaculation. There are bears and mountain lions in these woods."

Thinking about being covered in dried werewolf spunk made him even more sick. "I'm going to be sick."

"Go ahead and heave if you need to. You got most of it up last night, anyways, and we'll wash off most of the smell."

The stream wasn't very deep but it was frigid and Sirius was shivering as soon as he was set into the water. Remus insisted that he keep his clothes on and just wash the bile and piss as best as they could before he pulled Sirius back up into his arms. Even though he had washed up too, Remus felt considerably warmer than Sirius did, and the trembling boy couldn't help but snuggle against the bare chest as he was once more carried off. He was thankful for the numbing effects on his leg, but knew that it wouldn't last long.

Having dozed off, Sirius was startled when Remus spoke up again. "Here we are."

Looking up he saw a quaint little cottage complete with a nice white picket fence surrounding it. There was a pair of jeans and a t-shirt hanging over the fence by the gate and Remus carefully set Sirius down so that he could get dressed. Being careful not to look at the dressing boy, Sirius focused on examining the grounds around the cottage and noted all the signs stating a support for pollinating bugs and birds which explained the organized chaos of wildflowers completely surrounding the house. There was even a composting pile off in the corner. 

"Your grandma likes gardening I take it," he mumbled and Remus chuckled. He swept back went curls from his forehead and grinned down at Sirius.

"Yeah, she's especially into native plants. They're the best for her potions."

"Potions?" Things kept getting weirder.

"Yeah, she's a witch," he responded casually and Sirius would have thought him completely off his rocker if it hadn't been for the whole episode last night.

"A witch."

"Yeah. Not like the movies, of course, but yeah. She'll have something to help with the pain while you call your family."

He hefted Sirius up again and easily carried him through the gate and up the cute stone steps. It would have been a romantic ordeal, Sirius mused, if he wasn't hurting so badly and Remus wasn't a fucking _werewolf_ taking him to a witch's cottage.

"She has a phone?" he muttered to himself in disbelief just as Remus called out in greeting.

"Oma! I'm back! And I've got someone with me!"

"Oh dear!" a rather large woman fretted immediately as they stepped into the comforting warmth. "Remus, what happened!"

Her long white hair was twisted into thick braids and her rotund figure was dressed in an almost stereotypical gingham dress full with an embroidered apron. Thick glasses were perched on her nose, magnifying her worried eyes as she rushed over and began examining Sirius.

"Sirius got attacked last night over by the Malfoy Manor," he explained through another yawn.

"Did you bite him?" she asked sharply and Remus shook his head.

"No, Oma. I did have to grab his leg to drag him this way but I was careful not to break the skin."

"Come, child," she soothed, "sit on the couch and let Oma look over you."

Remus settled him onto the couch and crouched down next to his grandmother. "Do you mind if we get you down to your underwear? Oma will have an easier time-"

"No!" he choked out, burning red with embarrassment. Besides the horrid memories of almost being raped the night before he felt a flare of self-consciousness regarding his body. He was wearing his only binder and a pair of boxer briefs, but it would be immediately obvious that he was trans and he was too embarrassed to deal with it right now.

"It's okay," Remus soothed, warm fingers brushing against his cheek. "Let me get some food for you while Oma looks you over, okay?"

"O-okay," he whispered, looking down at his shaking hands. He felt a little better when Remus did step away and the old woman smiled kindly at him. 

"I'm sorry, dear," she comforted. "You must be terribly confused and hurting right now. You can call your family in just a minute and then eat while waiting for them to pick you up. We'll answer any questions that you might have too, but I don't have to express how important it is that you keep Remus' werewolf status to yourself."

Sirius just nodded quietly and let the woman examine him as best as she could fully dressed. Once she was finished she brought over a small glass vial and told him to swallow it down. The taste was distinctly floral and almost _sunny_ and he could feel a pleasant tingle dance through his body, taking the edge off the worst of the pains. With that finished, Remus brought over the landline telephone and a plate heavy with bacon, pancakes, potato cakes, and scrambled eggs.

Embarrassed that the only phone number he had memorized was 911 and James' cell phone number, Sirius decided that he had to call James. The Potters were bound to be besides themselves when he didn't return home last night. He wished that he could call Regulus too and explain, but he didn't have that number memorized. The phone was picked up almost immediately.

"Hello?! This is James Potter, have you heard-"

"James, it's me," he breathed out in relief.

"FUCKING HELL ARE YOU OKAY?! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?! MOM, DAD!!!!"

Tears welled up as he listened to the ranting of his best friend's voice and he started crying. "I-I-I got, um, they t-tried to hurt m-me and..."

"Where are you?" James demanded, rage and concern swirled in his voice. "We're going to get your right now, Sirius, just tell me where to pick you up."

Sirius handed the phone to Oma and she proceeded to give directions to her home which apparently wasn't very far from a bus stop. That buses would stop this far out in the woods surprised Sirius, but he couldn't stop crying enough to think about it. Remus carefully sat next to him and wrapped a warm arm around him while offering the plate of food wordlessly. Sirius suspected that there had to have been a spell on the food as he found himself eating it even though the tears and hiccups. Remus continued rubbing his shoulders carefully while he heard Oma answering a few questions about injuries. When she hung up, she placed a wrinkled hand on his thigh softly.

"They're sending an ambulance this way. Remus can carry you out to the bus stop in about ten minutes, so please eat up. I'll send you with some tea."

"Th-thanks," he croaked, before resting his aching head against Remus' shoulder. 

He allowed himself to be shifted so that his legs hung over Remus' thighs and his head could rest in the crook of the werewolf's neck even while he ate. The ten minutes passed quietly as Sirius didn't think that he had the energy to ask any pressing questions about werewolves or witches. In his weariness he just accepted the unreal situation and took comfort in the warm body that had kept him safe through the night. With a full belly and a warm mug of tea in hand, Sirius allowed himself to be carried out to the small bus stop that he quickly recognized as a school bus stop. The winding asphalt road was only visible for a few hundred feet as it horseshoed around a large rocky cliff of a cut-out hill. There was a sign that would flash to warn any oncoming traffic of a stopped bus. Only a minute later they could hear the wailing of the ambulance siren and it quickly pulled up to the stop. The paramedics jumped out and began to examine his state while a familiar suburban pulled up behind them and James jumped out quickly followed by a crying Euphemia and a pale Fleamont. Sirius started crying all over again at seeing them and clung to James for a few seconds before the paramedics got him onto the gurney. 

Turning to say thanks to Remus, Sirius was shocked to see that he had completely disappeared, the forest seeming unperturbed.


	2. Chapter Two

Sirius wasn't sure if it was because of the potion that Oma had given him, but his injuries were healing perfectly well and quickly. He still needed a boot for his dislocated and cracked ankle, a brace for his sprained knee, and a flexible cast for his fractured wrist and knuckles, but thankfully no surgery was needed. He had been humiliated enough by the attack to tell the police that he hadn't known the identities of the attackers, but had been shocked to find out via social media that Dolohov, Crabbe, and Goyle were very much alive still. Wondering even more what happened that night, Sirius searched through social media for any hint of a Remus but was quickly disappointed. He didn't have a last name to go off of and even though Remus wasn't a particularly popular name there wasn't a hint of the boy he had met at the baseball stadium.

The Potters had offered to buy Sirius a replacement phone since his had disappeared the night of the attack but he insisted on getting back to work at the stadium and saving up for a new one. James had been almost besides himself with the thought of Sirius working while recovering, but Sirius insisted.

"I don't want them to think that they won," he stated firmly to the three Potters and was begrudgingly allowed to return.

Being as injured as he was, though, he was relegated to the tickets counter again, his least favorite position. Still, it was better than sitting around in an empty house all summer long. The extra strong anxiety medication he was prescribed seemed to help him keep a steady mask on for all the customers, but it also made James shoot him even more concerned looks. After the initial shock of the events, he had slid into a more numbed depression. Not being able to communicate with Regulus had contributed to it to the point that James was getting ready to buy Sirius a plane ticket to Singapore so that they could meet up.

Still, Sirius didn't want to be such a bother to everyone. Each game that he worked and didn't see Remus darkened his mood and he began wondering if he had been hallucinating the whole thing. The police had said that he had somehow wandered well over ten miles away from the Malfoy Manor and that even though there had been evidence of some large animal out there, there was nothing conclusive. No evidence of anything. There could be no case brought up against the attackers without any proof even though the marks all over his body seemed proof enough. It made Sirius glad that he hadn't bothered to reveal their identities; it would have put a solid target on his back.

More bad news came that summer. Sirius' request to start hormone treatments was denied on account of his still being a minor and being able to have his parents sign off on it. Even though they had disowned him, they hadn't proceeded with enough paperwork for him to ask for emancipation. Being a duel citizen of Singapore and the United States seemed to make it even more complicated as the Singaporean government wasn't exactly as progressive as it's neighbor across the pond. Fleamont offered to take the Blacks to court for the sake of gaining an emancipation for Sirius, but he was too worried about making such an ordeal as it would bring even more shame to the Black name.

Spiraling downward, Sirius did his best to keep up a brave face around his friends and family but he knew that no one was fooled. Even Severus had begun to notice the dark cloud hanging over him. The tall and lanky boy had been pretty shaken up after the assault ordeal, him and Regulus having been the first ones to search for him that night and calling the Potters in a panic. James had always disliked the pasty boy even more than Sirius had, but since that night they had gotten on rather cordial terms. This newfound almost-friendship led to Severus bringing up a touchy topic.

"Are you busy tomorrow morning and afternoon?" he asked while he filed away some paperwork that Sirius was supposed to be doing.

Sirius remained slouched in his swivel chair and shook his head slowly. "No. Why?"

He frowned at his hands and then peeked out from under his emo fringe. "Well, my friend is having a little cookout and pool party at her house and I was wondering if you would be interested in coming." Seeing the color drain from Sirius' face, he quickly pressed along. "I mean, Potter and Pettigrew are completely invited too and there won't be any alcohol or anything like that! Her parents are going to be there too!"

Releasing a breath that he hadn't realized that he was holding, Sirius rubbed his forehead softly. Another migraine was building up and his period was going to start tomorrow. It wasn't exactly the best of circumstances to be attending a teenage pool party. However, he hadn't done anything remotely social since the attack and knew that it wasn't healthy to keep hidden away except for work. His body had mostly healed up now with no need for braces or casts so even if he couldn't swim due to his period he could wear a t-shirt and board short to get some sun. Knowing that adults were going to be there to supervise was a comfort too.

"Um, I'll talk to James and Peter and see if they're game."

Severus sighed in relief quietly before schooling his features back into a more neutral expression. "That's fine. I'll text Potter the address."

"You should call him James," Sirius chided softly and he saw a slight flush on the other boy's neck.

"I don't think we're on that friendly of terms," he responded shortly, although it lacked the usual bite. "You know that my family is rather traditional."

Sirius shrugged. "I guess after you see him half-naked in his swimwear that might change."

The pale boy made a choking noise and shot Sirius a scandalized look. "Hell, Sirius!"

He chuckled softly to himself and thought, _"Very interesting."_

**

The next morning found the three friends driving in an area outside of the city limits that they hadn't really been before looking for an address that very well might bring them out to the middle of a cow field. Windows rolled down, Sirius took a deep breath of the humid air, feeling the sleepy heat and hearing the hum of the endless grasshoppers and cicadas. Out here there wasn't much traffic and they even drove past an Amish carriage with its funny warning triangle sign nailed to the back of the carriage. James and Peter whooped at the family primly seated in their antiquated mode of transportation, and Sirius just watched with a small smile. There were whispers of this far out being the prime location for some of the biggest drug families and a rather large number of meth cooking labs. A morose donkey stared at them as they drove past and Peter argued with James about the address before they pulled up to well worn driveway with the name "Evans" sloppily painted on the mailbox.

"This is it!" cheered James and Sirius was grateful that his friend was deciding not to be an elitist jerk today. Although he usually didn't mean to be, having lived a rather privileged life as a single child, James could easily be insensitive and rude to others of lesser means. If the rusty mobile home was any indication, this Lily Evans was of a lesser privilege. Thankfully, the Potter heir seemed intent on making Sirius' first outing since the Incident the best that it could be so he was being extra aware. "Peter, could you grab the cooler?" he asked as soon as they pulled to a stop behind the rusted pickup truck and a classic car that looked like it had seen better days.

"Fiiiiine," Peter whined as he jumped out and stretched. 

Sirius stepped out and breathed deeply of the fresh air. It never smelled this way in the city, a sweet grassy smell. From the driveway it was easy to see the aluminum above ground pool with a hand-made patio and a grill that looked like it had been used for target practice at one point. There was also already several girls in bikini tops and cutoff shorts chatting away on plastic chairs and a couple of shirtless boys fooling around with a tire swing on the large oak tree in the back.

"Hiiii!" an excitable red-headed girl greeted as she ran up. Looking them all over she nodded to Sirius. "You must be Sirius!"

"Yeah, that's me," he greeted a bit shyly, tucking some black hair behind his ear. "This is James and this is Peter."

"Good to meet you'uns!" she greeted and James laughed.

"That's cute! I don't often hear the you'uns."

"We're old blood around here," she laughed. "That and my Dad often works with the Mennonites around here."

"That's pretty cool," Peter chimed. "We've never really been around them all that much."

"You're missing out," she chirped. "You guys should definitely come to the Apple Butter Day this fall!"

"What's apple butter?" James whispered to Sirius and got a clueless shrug in response before they moved over to the rest of the group.

"Fresh meat!" a broad red-headed boy crowed from the branch he was hanging off of.

Lily just rolled her eyes. "Guys, this is Sirius, James, and Peter."

"I'm Fabian!" the boy on the branch introduced himself. "And the dummy who can't climb properly is my brother Gideon."

"Hey!" shouted the identical red-head from his perch on the tire swing.

"Real classy, Fabian," Lily sighed before pointing out the others. "That's Marlene, Dorcas, Alice, Frank, and...oh, there he is! Get over here, Remus!"

Sirius gasped in shock and wheeled around to see a rather surprised blond. "Er, hi."

Lily jumped over to him and grabbed his arm. "Remus, this is Sirius, James, and Peter!"

"Yeah, we've met," Sirius breathed out.

Lily's eyebrow shot up and Remus laughed nervously. "Well, yeah, at that baseball game. Remember?"

"Ohhhhh!" she squealed. "He's that guy you were totally crushing on!"

"LILY!!!!" he cried in dismay and James and Peter couldn't help but laugh loudly at the embarrassment on Sirius' face.

"Come _on_ , guys," she sighed dramatically. "No need to make it weird, let's just have some fun!"

"Did you bring the bacon?!" Gideon called out as he hung upside down, his head precariously close to the ground. 

"Y-yeah," he muttered, hefting up the grocery bag in his hand.

"Yay!" Marlene cheered. "The grill is on, so get to cookin'!"

Sirius, James, and Peter had never seen bacon grilled before and were completely amazed that it could be done. "The trick," Lily explained, "is to use a cast iron pan or something to cook them or or it's too easy for them to just catch fire and burn up. Because they're all fat, see? They taste great over the open flame, but a lot more casualties."

"You can use aluminum foil too," Frank supplied from his seat next to Alice. "Worked just fine when I was camping out at Sam's Throne."

After the food was cooked, Severus arrived and the little party was complete. Lily's mother came out with sweet tea and lemonade and everyone seemed to enjoy the lazy and hot morning. A game of horseshoes came up and Sirius was surprised to find that James was rather good at it. He settled into a plastic chair and tried to relax as his cramps were acting up and the heat was aggravating his oncoming migraine. He really wanted to talk to Remus, but after Lily's comment the boy (werewolf?) had seemed to be trying to keep distance between them. 

Staring at everyone playing around and having fun, Sirius wondered again if maybe he was just crazy. Maybe he had made that whole thing up about Remus being a werewolf rather than cope with the continued trauma of running through the forest at night being chased by would-be rapists. Maybe he was crazy. Staring down at his can of Orange Fanta, Sirius felt his mood dropping. His mother and father thought that he was crazy. Other people thought that he was crazy. Could the crazy just be getting worse? Maybe instead of begging for hormone therapy he should be getting a psychiatrist to prescribe him some heavy duty anti-delusion pills. Surely they had some. If he took them, maybe he could be happy with being a girl.

"You're looking better than last time I saw you."

Looking up, Sirius met those beautiful hazel eyes. "What?"

Remus shoved his hands deeper into his jean pockets and dug the toe of his boot into the dirt. "You know, the bruises and stuff are gone. I'm glad."

Sirius continued to stare at him. "You didn't care enough to check up on me before. Don't know why you'd care now."

The boy had the decency to look properly chastised. "Well, I didn't exactly get a last name or address or anything."

Now it was Sirius' turn to blush in embarrassment. "You know where I work."

"Yeah, well I can usually only afford to go to one game each season," he mumbled as he stared at his boot. "And I kind of used that already."

Feeling an utter fool, Sirius stared at his drink again. "I'm sorry. I just thought-"

"Hey, don't worry," he quickly cut in before squatting down next to the plastic chair. "Um, I do have something for you." His hand held out a familiar mobile device and Sirius felt his eyes go wide.

"My phone!" His hands grasped at it and immediately tried to turn it on only to be disappointed by the dead screen. As bummed as he was about having to pay for another phone, he had actually been far more upset to lose the photos that had been saved on the device. They included pictures of when he began transitioning and pictures of Regulus that he had dearly missed. 

"I found that when I was patrolling the area and figured that it was yours since no other human had been walking through the forest. Well, you and those fuckers."

His casual use of the word "humans" and his reference to the attacks made Sirius feel both relieved and extremely anxious. 

"So...I'm not crazy?" he whispered, looking up cautiously through his eyelashes again.

Remus smiled softly as if he knew his thoughts exactly. "You're not crazy. But I'm glad to know that you haven't told anyone else. It would make it a little harder for me and Oma to keep safe."

"I know that now's not a good time to talk about it all, but maybe you could answer some questions for me later?"

"Yeah, sure. Do you..." he blushed a little more, the red coming out even on his tanned skin. "Do you want to give me your phone number? Now that you've got your phone back? And maybe we could text or something?"

"Um, yeah, sure." 

After sharing his number with Remus, Sirius felt a little better even though he continued to hang back from the crowd. He enjoyed watching the interactions between everyone and it was nice to see a group of perfectly normal teenagers who didn't care that he kept his t-shirt on or that he wore long hair. Besides casually observing Remus with his friends, Sirius was quite amused to see the change in dynamics between Severus and James. It was true that their dislike for each other stemmed from James being a jerk and making fun of his emo style when they first met which then turned into a vicious verbal war that only seemed to escalate until the Incident. Now that James had seen Severus in a different light, Sirius watched as his best friend sheepishly talked to Severus and made an effort to be extra nice to him. For his part, Severus kept a rather suspicious face up, but the observant boy could see the small gestures shared between them, like how Severus would step closer to James when they talked and how he would start anxiously rubbing his hand over his wrist or how he would nervously shift from foot to foot.

Sirius felt a wave of sadness. Severus' family was rather traditional in their Baptist values, so even if it was becoming increasingly obvious that he had a crush on James he probably wasn't going to act on it. Which was a shame. Sirius had long suspected that James ran in both directions when it came to his orientation, although it was possible that he was also pansexual. James loved who he loved and that was it for him. No need to question. It was a big help in his acceptance of Sirius and his transition - James loved him regardless of his stage of transition. 

The blush on Severus' face when James threw off his shirt and clambered up the rickety steps to the pool was too cute.

There were whoops and cheers as boys and girls cannon balled into the cool water, waves of chlorinated water and blades of grass washing against the sturdy aluminum sides. Remus stayed out of the pool to dutifully grill the cold pile of hotdogs and Sirius leaned back in his plastic chair and pressed an unopened can of pineapple Fanta to his warm forehead. James had really outdone himself on the selection of Fanta flavors for this party, his cooler filled to the brim with the bold drinks and ice. Alice had settled herself on the wet shoulders of her boyfriend Frank and was trying to help Lily up onto James' shoulders for a game of chicken. The twins cheered along while Marlene was still trying to figure out if she could get the tire swing to swing high enough for her to launch into the pool from there. Peter was goading Marlene along and Sirius hoped that she wouldn't be stupid enough to actually try it. A trip to the emergency room today would ruin the strangely calm mood. 

Thankfully, Mrs. Evans stuck her head out and ordered Marlene to quit that before any blood was shed and Severus finally decided to strip out of his shirt and hop into the pool with the others, albeit on the far side of the pool from James. He seemed very focused on the twin's underwater jumping competition and was thus very surprised by the dual tickle attack from the Jily monster. Sirius guffawed unattractively as Severus practically squealed in indignation and James laughed so hard that he and Lily toppled over unceremoniously. 

"I'm glad that you came today," Remus stated as he handed over a flimsy paper plate with two naked hot dogs rolling on it. "You don't look like you feel too good, so I guess it would have been easy for you to back out. Then we wouldn't have met again."

"Don't you eat these with buns?" Sirius grumbled before sitting up straight in the chair to look for buns and condiments. He was a stalwart fan of mayonnaise. "And yeah, I'm glad that I came too. My migraines are coming around again which is why I'm not my usual perky self."

"Maybe Oma can whip up a potion for that," Remus offered, pushing over the jar of mayo. "She's really good with things like that."

"That would be nice," he sighed, rubbing the can over his forehead again. "I've got some meds but they always knock me out or make me even more nauseated."

The crinkle of opening bags of chips alerted the rest of the teenagers that food was finished and there was a rush of wet bodies. Sirius wrinkled his nose and was thankful that he had been served first. Their wet legs and feet were collecting dust and grass to make a messy mud concoction but no one seemed to mind, not even Peter.

As they were gobbling down the mountain of hot dogs, Gideon jumped to his feet. "Hey! Let's go shoot some rabbits or somethin'!"

"Yeah!" Fabian cheered. "You got ammo, Lily?"

She snorted and shook her head in annoyance. "Of course I do!"

Peter, Sirius, and James shared wide-eyed glances. Remus seemed to catch that look and laughed. "Um, guys, they're from the city. I don't think they've ever shot things before."

"What?" Marlene gasped. "Not even pistols?"

"Pistols?" Peter squeaked.

"It's kind of an American thing to shoot guns," Alice insisted. "Can you even be called a citizen if you haven't held a firearm?"

"I was born in Singapore," Sirius muttered with a hand raised. 

"Whoa, that's so cool!" a few voices chirped up, but Lily stood to get everyone's attention.

"We can stick to air rifles today!" she stated as if that settled everything. "Squirrels and rabbits. That sound okay?"

"I think that I'll pass," Sirius groaned as he placed another can of soda on his forehead. "The shots are going to be loud, aren't they?"

"Okay. Do you want me to set out some blankets under the tree? It'll be a good place for a nap."

"That sounds great," he sighed in relief.

"I'm bringing my hunting rifle," Gideon huffed. "Molly and Arthur could use some more meat."

"Wow, holy shit," James muttered. "We're actually going to shoot things? And like, hunt animals?"

"Yeah, this ain't nothing," Fabian said with a shrug. "Just a bit of fun. If you want some serious hunting you're always welcome to join us during deer season."

"Wow," Peter copied, his eyes wide. "I don't know what that would entail, but wow."

Severus shook his head and did his best to stifle a grin. James elbowed him. "What, are you telling me than an emo kid like you know more about hunting than we do?"

"Yes, James," he sneered with pseudo-heat, "I have, in fact, shot quite a few times. I'm not good enough to depend on hunting for food like the Prewitts, but I can do okay on the targets."

"He's really good using my Gammo Whisper!" Lily added.

In short order Lily and Alice were hauling old comforters and pillows out of the house and settling them at a patch at the base of the tree that looked like it was probably the designated blanket location. They cleared the stray rocks first and then settled the layers down before topping it all with the pillows. While they had been busy with that, the boys had gathered several rifles, air and otherwise, and the twins unloaded their four wheelers. Lily skipped off to unlock hers from the shed and Sirius just watched everything in amusement. It was like watching an old movie or something, but it actually felt kind of down-to-earth and almost familial. 

He even laughed as Marlene came out of the barn ridding an honest to goodness tractor. "Jump on, Alice and Frank!"

The fourwheeling parties divided up - James and Lily, Fabian and Peter, Gideon and Severus - while Remus insisted on staying behind to clean up so that Mrs. Evans wouldn't have to. Lily shot him a wink and Sirius tried to hide his blush as he settled against the blankets with a sigh. It wasn't the most comfortable place to sleep but it was way better than the plastic chair and he could curl around a pillow to help ease the cramping pains. A warm breeze blew past, but with the deep shade of the large oak, it was much cooler than where he had been by the grill. He closed his eyes to all the chatter and roaring of engines and allowed himself to doze off. The sounds of the group seemed to fade away slowly to be overtaken by the bird songs and humming insects. 

"Is it okay if I lay here too?" he barely made out through the pre-dream haze and he mumbled what he hoped was an affirmative.

Warm knuckles brushed against his cheekbones before he drifted off into the dreamland.

**

Sirius sat nervously at an empty table in the university's food court, his hot food untouched in front of him, and watched as Remus ordered his own. Schools were gearing up to start and they had finally managed to meet up to talk. They had been texting since the party at Lily's place and had even attended a couple more parties at the Evans home but it was the first time they got a chance to sit and talk privately. Remus' parents raised dairy cows and cut hay so he was often busy helping them to keep the farm running. It also helped to explain how he was freakishly strong, the werewolf issue notwithstanding. Sirius grinned softly as he watched Remus balance his Styrofoam container and drink without using one of the available trays. Their text conversations had only made Sirius fall even harder for the boy and he was feeling pretty confident that after getting this conversation out of the way they had a good chance of becoming a proper couple. 

"Okay," Remus sighed as he sat across from Sirius with a grin. "That was easy. It's my first time at the University, you know."

"I didn't," he replied, carefully tucking shredded napkins under his thigh. "Soooo..."

"Yeah, werewolf stuff. Why don't you just ask me questions and I'll answer?"

"Great. Um, why didn't you, like, attack me? I thought that werewolves were full of blood lust on the full moon."

"Well, I think that there are probably some werewolves like that around, but my lineage comes from the Irish line of werewolves." He took a bite of noodles and tilted his head in thought. "We're more like guardians of the forest. Protector of children, the wounded, and the lost. Things like that."

"Were you born that way, then?" Sirius asked thoughtfully.

"No, I was bitten." He tapped on his hip and Sirius had a blurry memory of noticing an ugly scar while they were washing up in the cold stream. "I was a lost child in the woods when my parents took me camping out in the Appalachians. He was leading me back towards the campsite when he realized that I could understand him. Apparently that's how we know who to turn, so when he realized that he bit me and kept me through the night to help me through the pain. My parents were pretty terrified when I showed up in the morning covered in blood and mud, but since my Oma was a witch they were smart enough to take me to her pretty quickly. She's the one that figured out the lineage."

Sirius munched quietly on his lunch as he tried to absorb everything Remus was telling him. There were different werewolf lineages? Some were protectors? It made sense. Sirius had been attacked and was lost when Remus found him. After letting Remus get in another few bites he asked another question. "Have you ever seen that wolf again?"

Remus snorted in amusement and nodded. "Yeah, his name is Greyback and he's one of those moonshiners that live in the Appalachian Mountains. I try to get up there once a year or so to visit. Interesting fella, but kind of a pain in the ass most of the time."

"This is surreal," the black-haired teen mumbled as he looked around at the different people seated and walking around them. No one gave them suspicious glances and Remus was speaking as calmly as if they were discussing the upcoming coursework. "How can you be so casual about it all? I mean, isn't it a huge pain every full moon? And what about friends and other family? Do they know too?"

He shook his head. "No, nobody outside my mom, dad, and Oma know. It's not too bad, just some soreness and aches for a few days each month. The transformation itself isn't that pleasant, but I suppose it would be a lot worse if I was one of those blood-thirsty werewolves. I don't know how I could live with myself always being scared of hurting others."

"Is that why you didn't hurt Dolohov, Crabbe, and Goyle?"

A dark shadow crossed those hazel eyes. "I did give them a pretty good scare and I _wanted_ to hurt them, but I am lucky to be able to make decisions so I try to never actually hurt others."

"So you can remember everything when you've transformed?"

"Yup."

They sat in comfortable silence and worked on finishing up more of their lunch. 

"So, does your Oma ride around on brooms and wave a magic wand?"

This got a laugh out of Remus. "Well, she could but she doesn't really. And no wand. Some witches or wizards use them to help channel their magic, but she deals mostly with potions so she doesn't really use one."

Sirius grinned and leaned back in his seat. "This is all really neat. I'm sorry to have found out the way I did, but I'm glad that I know now."

"Yeah, I hate that I scared you so badly and that I, you know, took a piss on you." They both laughed again and this time Remus reached out just a bit uncertainly. Sirius grinned more widely and reached out to take his hand. "I know that you heard it from Lily, but I'd like to say it for myself. I like you, Sirius. Did from the moment I saw you."

He was blushing brightly, but completely thrilled. "I like you a lot, too, Remus. I'm sure that I wasn't as sneaky as I tried to be when I checked you out at the stadium."

"So, you know my deep dark secret already," Remus laughed while squeezing Sirius' hand, "do you have any that I should know about?"

An involuntary tension filled Sirius and he wondered how much of his drama and issues would be appropriate to bring up. It didn't feel like they were just fooling around but they were still pretty young and didn't know each other all that well. But based on the panicked look in Remus' eyes at his reaction he knew that he had to say something. 

"Ah, no, it's not that-"

"Are you an illegal immigrant or something?" he blurted out, completely blindsiding Sirius.

"What?! No! Why would you think that?"

Remus flushed in embarrassment and pulled his hand away. "Well, it was...you were freaking out and I remember that you said you were born in Singapore..."

"No, that's not it," he laughed while marveling at the ridiculous ways things could be interpreted. "My Dad is from Singapore and my Mom from the States. They're both technically Blacks, but the family had a split a few generations back and got married into an old-blooded Chinese family and that's how he came from Singapore. My mom's side of the Black family was part of the mass Exodus from Europe after they had been caught on the wrong end of some pretty big political scandals. America's a pretty good place to run away from stuff."

"Isn't it weird that they're cousins? Your parents, I mean. Although they sound distant enough."

Sirius stirred at his soda with the straw. "I guess that it's not so weird because I grew up in it. That and our family history is full of all kinds of incest. One of the _fun_ parts of having an uppity old-blooded family."

After sitting quietly for another minute, Remus cleared his throat and spoke up again. "That's not so bad. Nothing like being a dark creature."

"Actually," he started, wincing at how his already higher pitched voice went higher, "there's something else I wanted to talk about. Um, it's totally okay if you don't want to get together with me after this, I understand..."

The frown on those perfect lips made Sirius worry for a second before he spoke up. "I don't think there's anything you could say that would make me want to stop this. Unless it's that you aren't interested."

"I'm trans," he whispered, finger again desperately working on dismantling another napkin.

He didn't want to look up and see the expression on Remus' face, but when the silence stretched on, Sirius started to feel the tears well up. He really _really_ liked Remus and wanted their relationship to move forward, and it would break his heart to end it now. But honestly, he knew that it was better to get his heart broken now than later when they were much more involved. He couldn't get on hormones now and wouldn't be able to get any surgeries in the near future either so if they even tried something as common as heavy petting while making out things could go awry pretty quickly. 

The sound of a chair scraping across the floor startled Sirius and he was horrified to think that he had scared Remus off so badly that he was actually running away, but then he felt the familiar warmth by his side and he saw those hazel eyes trying to catch his own downcast eyes.

"Hey, I'm here. I'm still here, Sirius. Would it be okay if I kissed you?"

Wiping at his eyes and nose roughly with the back of his hand he nodded. Remus smiled softly and took his face with both hands before leaning in and giving him a warm and tender kiss. It wasn't the first kiss he'd ever had, but it was the first one he'd had as a boy and he almost started crying again in relief. Remus pulled him into a soft hug and Sirius buried his face into the other boy's neck. Remus smelt of sun, sweat, and wild grass.

"So...you want to still try this?" Sirius asked quietly against the hot skin of his neck.

"Absolutely," Remus whispered back.


	3. Chapter Three

Euphemia was on a roll with her hospitality that morning and Sirius felt a swell of childish pride in his almost-mother. It had taken him and James the better part of three weeks to convince Fleamont and Euphemia to allow them to take a group of friends out to the family's timeshare in Branson, MO, but once they got the permission Euphemia had decided to unleash her full motherly energies into ensuring that it would be a fun and safe trip for the kids. Parental slips had to be signed, emergency contact sheets were organized and distributed, family and guest passes to Silver Dollar City secured, and an itinerary provided that allowed for exploration and just enough downtime to let them be the lazy teenagers that they were.

The usual crowd, dubbed "The Order of the Phoenix" after binge watching too many fantasy and sci-fi movies, were gathering at the Potter estate before they would be escorted to Branson aboard a beautifully sleek 12 passenger van being driven by a hired chauffeur. James laughed as this time it was the other teens' turn to look gobsmacked and completely out of their element.

"Psh, they look like they've never seen a mansion before," James teased as he punched Sirius in the arm.

"James, they probably haven't," he chided, but the smile was too large on his face for it to have much effect. 

Only Severus didn't look frightened of walking into the massive foyer, but that was because his mother came from old blood and was related to the Malfoys who had their own rather impressive architecture.

"Welcome to the Potter Palace!" James greeted as he raced down the stairs.

"Hello!" greeted Euphemia a bit more graciously as she swept into the room with a silver tray full of homemade muffins. "Please make yourselves at home, and leave your bags by the door. Our chauffeur Mr. Tanner will put them into the van for you all. Have some muffins and I've got some drinks in the kitchen!" 

Even Fabian and Gideon had wide almost frightened eyes as they took in the ornate decor and Alice looked like she was scared that the muffins cost more than her school fee for the year. Sirius rolled his eyes and hopped over to snatch up a pumpkin and chocolate chip one.

"Mmm, you make the best muffins, Euphemia!" he moaned happily through a bite.

That seemed to break the ice and the others tentatively grabbed muffins themselves before being escorted towards the kitchen. Lily gaped openly at the huge open-concept kitchen and the massive stove while Fabian mouthed to his brother that the kitchen island was bigger than his bed at home. Peter rolled in last, having been dropped off by his dad since he still hadn't been able to get his driving license. 

"Parallel parking is impossible!" he'd always cry in defense.

Sirius sidled up to the nervous Remus and nudged their hands together earning a sweet grin and a peck to his nose. Their relationship had been easily accepted by their friends and the Potter parents, although Sirius had to endure a _long_ lecture the previous night about making good choices and using protection. Burning with embarrassment, he felt like he had to endure both the straight and the gay _talk_ and not for the first time wished that he was already fully transitioned. He wasn't even sure if he could deal with something like sex, but his almost-parents wanted to make sure their bases were covered. He tried not to blush thinking about the tin box lovingly filled with condoms he earned for sitting through said embarrassing talk.

"Are you excited to go to Branson?" he whispered, having to get up on tip toes. It seemed like every time he saw Remus they boy had grown another little bit. 

"Yeah. It's been ages since I've been and it was just for the day with Mom and Dad, so this is kinda different."

"Let's get to the van!" James cheered excitedly, cutting off all other conversation. "I've got the radio, so let me know if you have any requests!" He grabbed Severus' wrist and was dragging him towards the front door, and Sirius laughed as the panicked Severus grabbed Lily for backup.

"No country!" Gideon called.

"Country!" Fabian demanded at the same time. 

It took just a bit of shuffling around before everyone was settle comfortably in the van. Seeing what James had planned to submit them to for the hour and a half trip to Branson, Marlene had confiscated the shotgun seat and James, Severus, and Lily settled behind her. Sirius, Remus, and Peter claimed the next seat, and the back row was stuffed with Fabian, Gideon, Alice, and Frank.

"I'm going to die back here in the stink of men!" Alice cried.

"Just wait till we start farting!" Fabian crowed causing Sirius to turn around and start swatting him.

Once they were all buckled and secure, Euphemia added a few more snacks to the cooler in the front seat and then wished them all an enjoyable trip. It was only for the extended weekend, but it was the longest that Euphemia would be away from her only child. Usually on the out of town trips for their soccer team she and Fleamont would come as chaperones so that James could share a room with them. Even though he played on the girls' team back then, Sirius had always been allowed to play video games and watch some shows in the Potter room because there had always been his parents to supervise. Sirius deflated a little just wondering how things were going to be this year.

The second half of the last school year had been challenging not only because of the bullying but also because of the effort of getting acceptance from professors and the students. James and Peter made sure that Sirius never went to the boys restroom alone because the risk was too high; most of the other students weren't very open minded. This year had started a little bit better since the shock of the situation had worn off, but now Sirius was left to agonize over whether the soccer association was going to let him play on the boys' team or make him stay with the girls' team. This dilemma was part of the reason that Fleamont and Euphemia had finally given in to the Branson trip. The letter with the response was due to arrive any day now and they were hoping that this trip with friends would be enough to keep his mind off of things and maybe soothe the sting of hurt if that was necessary.

"Do you think that they're going to make me change in the girl's locker room?" he asked Remus as he snuggled against his side. Peter was already digging into his sour gummy worms.

"I don't know, babe." He brushed the unruly black hair off Sirius' forehead. "From what you told me, it kind of sounds like the athletic director's idea about you changing in her office is the one that's going to win out."

"I guess that would be best," he grumbled. "I just don't want to keep being treated differently."

Remus pressed another kiss to his forehead. "They'll figure it out."

"Euphemia's been worried about how the members of the other teams will treat me too," he sighed in frustration. "Not that I think she's wrong, but it's exhausting! Apparently I'm the first trans athlete in this district and the first trans student in the history of this association of private schools. No one knows what to do with me..."

Peter shot Remus a worried glance, knowing that Sirius tended to spiral down rather quickly. Remus got the message and pinched his boyfriend's chin lightly. "Hey, I know what to do with you."

Sirius was awarded with a mischievous gleam of hazel eyes before he was pulled into a smothering kiss. Fabian groaned from behind them and threw a couple of Cheetos at them, but Sirius flipped him the bird and continued to make out with his boyfriend. James threw a knowing wink to Peter and a thumbs up before throwing his arm over Severus. Lily turned in her seat and took a couple of pictures of the amorous couple on her phone before texting the photos to them. Then she had Marlene take an awkward group selfie for her Instagram page.

"Like my photo, guys. I'll tag everyone."

"Anyone want to start taking bets on when Remus and Sirius are going to come up for air?" Marlene teased as she switched the music over to The Bohemian Rhasphody.

Sirius immediately pulled away and squealed in delight. "I LOVE this song!!!!"

The whole van performed their own amateur rendition of the song, laughing through the whole thing before deciding that they were going to host an impromptu sing-a-long competition. Peter was taken out when he forgot the words to "Let it Go" and Sirius earned a semi-standing ovation for his attempt at Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" complete with a swooning Remus. Severus refused to sing any of the songs and James teamed up with Lily for a rendition of "Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better" which ended up winning them the coveted coffee mug of champions.

"Look Lily," James giggled breathlessly. "It says 'Boss Lady' on it!"

Marlene rolled her eyes. "That's what you get for raiding my stuff for a prize."

"I _can_ do better James Potter. It's only fitting."

Sirius threw his legs over Peter's thighs and snuggled into Remus' side to try to get a little rest before they actually made it to Branson.

**

Being Friday, the teens spent the first part of the day throwing bags into their rooms, stripping down to swimwear and hanging out in a private portion of the nearby lake. James brought some freshly delivered pizza to the park bench nearby and bowed graciously to the whoops and cheers. While everyone else crowded around the fresh lunch, Sirius decided to take a dip into the cool water. It was his first time with his new binder, one that he knew he needed to invest in so that it could hang to dry while he used the other binder for non-swimming activities, and he was overly anxious about anyone seeing him wet in case it didn't hide his breasts well enough. Dunking under the refreshing water, Sirius thought of how interesting it was that many associated rebirth with water. Pushing the sopping hair out of his face, he kept his back to everyone else as he inspected his wet body. 

"You okay?"

"Fuck!" he squeaked as he stumbled forward in surprise before catching his breath and looking over his shoulder to see a curious Remus. "Um, yeah, I'm okay."

Remus bit his lip for a second before shrugging. "Do you want me to bring you pizza out here in the water? I wouldn't mind."

"No, it's okay," he chuckled with a small wave. Taking a deep breath, he decided to just explain. "I was just trying to see if I would pass."

"Pass?"

"Um, like, if I still looked like a boy. I'm wearing a n-new binder."

There was a blank look on Remus' face for a second before he opened his mouth in a little "o" of understanding and nodded. "You can always ask me if you want to," he suggested as he stepped forward to pull down Sirius' arms. He hadn't even realized that he had them up and crossed over his chest in a protective stance. "And you look handsome just the way you are."

"You're annoyingly perfect," Sirius sighed dramatically before grinning widely and giving Remus a wet hug. "I used to check with James before I left the house all the time, but I've been feeling a bit more confident lately. And it was always weird thinking about having him inspect me in swimwear."

"You don't need to feel weird with me," Remus confided with a small grin before he leaned in to kiss Sirius' forehead. His hands stroked his boyfriend's ribs gently. "I don't mind seeing anything you're ready to share."

This brought a definite flush to Sirius' cheeks. He had already been imagining going further with Remus, but to hear the same desire from the flesh-and-blood version of his boyfriend was a huge encouragement. Embarrassing, but encouraging.

"Y-yeah, I don't exactly want my _brother_ seeing all of me, but I guess it's okay with y-you."

"I guess," Remus teased with another squeeze of his arms. "Do you want to swim for a while or do you want to eat some pizza?"

"I'll come and we can eat some pizza."

Remus grinned sultrily but said nothing as they walked up to the rest of the group. It took Sirius a few minutes to get the unintentional innuendo and he promptly choked on his pepperoni.

**

"Hey, Severus, can I ask you a question?"

Dressed in black jeans and a plain black t-shirt with a black leather bracelet on his left wrist, Severus looked very much like a faithful member of the emo movement sans the eyeliner. His parents put up with the angsty clothes, but they drew the line at makeup, or at least that's what Lily told him. Dark brown eyes tore away from their observation of a certain wild-haired boy and settled on Sirius.

"I guess."

"Soooo, I know that you're Baptist and everything, but if there was a guy who had a crush on you would you be interested in reciprocating?"

Those brown eyes widened in shock and immediately looked over towards James before he caught himself and stared back at Sirius with bright red cheeks.

"M-my dad is the assistant pastor," he stated as if that explained everything.

"That doesn't really answer my question."

He sighed loudly. "I'm basically a preacher's kid. Everyone knows everything that I do and would report it back to him."

"Well...would they take it really badly? I mean, my parents disowned me, so I understand if it's rough."

He looked down at his sneakers and frowned deeply. "It's not...I don't think that he would disown me so much as...well, _convince_ me to stop. I mean, not that I'm interested in guys!" 

He seemed panicked to have admitted as much as he had and Sirius smiled kindly before pulling up his sleeve and showing off a surgery scar on his wrist.

"I got this because I had to have surgery after my mother broke my wrist from disciplining me."

Severus' eyes widened in shock. "I didn't...know."

"It's okay now. I don't have to deal with them anymore. But I understand if you're saying that your dad would beat you for something like being gay."

James was waving them over to join in on the tour through the Ripley's Believe It or Not museum, but Sirius just waved him off. He frowned but accepted the gesture and moved forward to go with the rest of their group. 

Scratching nervously at the back of his neck, Severus continued. "He's _very_ strict in certain things, and I know how he feels about homosexuality. It's not that I ever really thought of it as being a problem for me, but..." Here he sighed again and ran his hands through his inky black hair. "Look, I'm not gay," he insisted, "I just think that maybe a certain person is interesting. And I don't even know why!" Now he was growling in annoyance and Sirius couldn't help the affectionate smile. James drove many people crazy. "He's rude, self-absorbed, and clueless!"

"He's also loyal, a great friend, a protector, and funny as hell." Sirius was glad that he could speak well on behalf of his almost-brother and he could see that Severus had already seen these qualities. "And on top of that, Severus, I think that its pretty obvious that he's got a crush on you."

"Whatever," Severus grumbled, rubbing his nose self-consciously. "He's popular and I'm sure that he has a fanclub he can date from."

"You know, for as air-headed as James seems a lot of the time, he's actually very perceptive of people and very particular in who he takes a liking to."

"It doesn't matter, anyway. I can't do anything without my dad finding out and I'd rather not be beat by him until graduation day."

"We wouldn't say anything," Sirius pressed. "I mean, it's obviously not the best scenario ever, but he trusts this group of friends enough that he doesn't check in on you with us. You could be free to be open with James around us. James wouldn't care and he would always be careful around others."

"I don't know, Sirius," Severus sighed again, leaning his head back against the wall.

"It's okay, you don't need to make a decision or anything right now." Sirius gave him a hug. "We're here for you. And if things get bad at home, the Potters are always up for adopting more kids."

This made them both laugh, and in better spirits they went to join in with their friends.

**

Since they knew each other best, Sirius, Peter, and James got one of the bedrooms on the first floor of the timeshare cottage while the rest of the boys shared the other ground floor bedroom. The girls had claim over the lone bedroom on the second floor as well as their own personal bathroom. After exploring a few places along the main strip they got some burgers and fries to go and made it back to the timeshare to watch a movie. The chauffeur had his own separate place to stay and was available at any time by a number that James had. With him gone, the teens busted out the beer that the Prewitts snuck through the parental inspection and began the impossible search for a movie that would make everyone happy. 

Remus slung an arm over Sirius' shoulders and leaned over to whisper in his ears. "Wanna go make out while they're watching the movie?"

He got a wink in response before Sirius grabbed his bag of food and strutted towards his room. For all the swagger he worked into that walk to the room, Sirius was pretty nervous. Sure, he and Remus had made out a lot in the couple of months of their relationship but it was insinuated that this session would be behind closed doors and on a _bed_. What expectations did Remus have for how far this would go?

Fleamont and Euphemia obviously felt that their amorous behavior was indicative of enough sexual activity to require condoms and even all of their friends would make the "get a room" comment often enough. It was as if everyone around them was certain that they were ready to go all the way! Swallowing thickly as he sat at the foot of the bed with his food, Sirius watched Remus walk towards him with a lot less swagger but with a certain unusual surety to each step. Remus didn't have to hide behind a mask of bravado.

Maybe that's why everyone was so sure of where their intimacy would go, Sirius thought to himself. Maybe he was telling others what he wanted and everyone just expected it to go that way because Remus had a special way of speaking words that made everyone believe him. Sirius believed him when Remus spoke encouraging words about his looks. He so quickly and easily believed the words about werewolves and witches. If Remus smiled down at him and told him that they were ready to go all the way tonight, would be believe that too?

Remus sat at the foot of the bed and nudged Sirius with his shoulder before opening up his own burger sack and digging into his food. "Mmmm, I love jalapenos," he moaned around his burger making Sirius snicker.

"Is that why you're so hot? Come on, you must share your secrets with me!"

Wiping at the ketchup that had smeared on his cheek he turned a haughty face towards Sirius. "Babe, it is physically impossible for you to get any hotter."

"Pfft, I think that earned you a bonus fry!" Sirius laughed as he shoved a fry into Remus' mouth. 

His panic began to wane a bit as their conversation moved to a snarky commentary on their friends trying to pick a movie. There were cries for action and fighting as well as comedy and Marlene demanded at least a little bit of romance. Title after title was shot down to the point that Lily and James were getting ready to arm wrestle over two not-quite-right contenders. Remus decided to try and save everyone.

"What about _the Princess Bride_?" he called out while walking to the bedroom door. 

"What's that?" Gideon murmured while Severus rolled his eyes.

Marlene jumped over the back of the couch to dive between Frank and Alice so that she could steal some of their fries. "That's a great idea, Remus!"

James was now standing on the coffee table air-fencing against Lily. "You've killed my father, prepare to die!"

"As you wish!" Lily laughed while doing a terrible job of parrying.

After a short discussion it was decided upon as the movie, especially as the Prewitt twins had never seen it before and everyone wanted to see their reactions. Crisis averted, Remus turned and went back to sitting at the foot of the bed. Sirius was feeling the contented buzz of a full stomach, and the lengthening shadows along the wall were reminding him of how tired he was after such a busy day.

Tomorrow they would be spending the entire day at Silver Dollar City, the quirky amusement park that combined frontier reenactments and historical education with family friendly rides and entertainment, and he wanted to be ready for being on his feet all day. He smiled as he watched Remus finish up the last bits of his dinner and was rewarded with a flirtatious wink.

"I'll have to remember my sunscreen tomorrow or I'll be as red as a lobster," Sirius stated thoughtfully.

"You could always stick it in Lily's purse just in case. Although she's probably got her own tube that you could borrow from." Remus ran his tongue over his teeth before continuing. "For as much time as she spends outdoors she's actually still pretty pale."

Sirius ran a finger along the exposed skin of Remus' neck. "You tan pretty well yourself." Fingers trailed up and over smiling lips before curling back up to dance across the bridge of the nose and along almost jagged looking scars. "Where did these come from?"

"A fight with a bear."

Sirius stared at him for a minute before laughing. Again, Remus said the most ridiculous things in such an earnest and low-key way that he had to be believed. "Wow."

"Yeah, it was when I was quite a bit younger and smaller and she just wouldn't go along the normal bear paths around and away from humans. She kept wanting to go attack them. It was a sickness I think. Anyway, we got into a big fight about it. I won, but got a few of these as souvenirs." He pointed to the silvery shine of the scars on his face and then down to a couple on his neck and collarbone.

"Couldn't your Oma's potions help?"

He grinned wryly. "They did."

"Yikes!"

"Yeah, my face was pretty messy when I got back to her place. Almost lost my nose in the whole thing."

Sirius wrinkled his nose as he tried to imagine Remus without one. "I'm glad she saved your nose," he finally settled for which made Remus laugh before he attacked Sirius' sides in a tickle fight. Trying to ignore how much he hated the girlish squeals coming out of his mouth, Sirius tickled back and they were soon splayed back against the bed with Sirius claiming victory as he clambered over Remus. Breathing heavily, he leaned forward and initiated a kiss, both palms resting his weight against Remus' chest.

Their kiss was slow and relaxed and it made it easier for Sirius not to fall into another spiral of anxiety. Remus kept his hands on Sirius' hips, thumbs gently rubbing over the bare skin just under the edge of his t-shirt but not moving any further. With a content sigh, Sirius rolled over to his side and felt warm as their legs entwined to bring them closer against each other. He took the time to catch his breath and continued to examine the handsome face in front of him.

"Do you ever hate being a werewolf?" Sirius whispered, lips feeling swollen from the kissing.

Hazel eyes stared back so affectionately and he shivered at the feeling of warm fingers trailing over his face and neck. 

"I don't think I've ever hated it, exactly, but I haven't always liked it. I used to complain a lot to Oma and my parents about having to transform and wander the forests, especially because I would easily get lost back then and end up wandering the forest as a naked kid in the morning, but after Oma told me about the other type of werewolf...I don't know, it's like I couldn't keep complaining about my lot in life when that was a possibility. To be caged up and hungry for blood and destruction, worried every month that it might be the one time I actually hurt someone...yeah, I don't know how I'd live with that. So I'm pretty grateful that I don't."

"I'm glad that you don't have to worry about that either," Sirius whispered. "I'm sorry that you have to deal with all of my stuff, though. It's kind of weird, but I feel like I've added a lot more drama to your life that you don't need. I don't want to be another problem for you to learn to live with."

Remus seemed to think about his words for a minute, but his fingers continued their feather-light touches across his boyfriend's face and neck. 

"Sirius, being alive in general means that we will always be facing off against one thing or another. It's not a smooth-sailing happily ever after once you hit 18 or find the right person or anything like that. There's always going to be tough stuff to work through, but I think it's a blessing to have someone to work through things with. I'm glad that you can lean on me as you work through stuff. I don't always know the right way to help, but I'll keep trying as long as you let me."

Tears welled up as Sirius recalled his disastrous coming out to his parents and how vastly different their reactions had been to how Remus continued to support him. They were his parents, the ones who were always supposed to be there to help him grow, to guide him through life, to support him - all things that they had not been. And here was a boy he hadn't known for very long who was offering him so much more love and support. 

"Thank you, Remus," he finally settled on with a watery chuckle. "Thank you for not getting weirded out when I talk about my binders or not mentioning how high my voice really is. Thanks for always listening and being here."

"It's my pleasure, babe," Remus replied with another kiss to the tip of his nose. "You're teaching me so much, and I really love being able to be helpful."

"Just wait till I ask you to help me figure out how to place my packer," Sirius teased with an embarrassed laugh.

"I have no clue what that is," Remus chuckled, "but I'm sure I'll find out soon."

"Well...I had kind of hoped to try it out tomorrow," Sirius laughed nervously, "but I've been too embarrassed to ask James for help. It's got instructions, but I want to make sure that it doesn't look weird. Unnatural you know? Oh, it's a dick. I mean! Ugh..." He burned bright red as Remus burst out laughing before leaning in close and smothering his face with kisses.

"I'm not making fun of you," Remus chuckled with another few kisses. "You're just super cute when you're all flustered. So, okay, a packer is a dick for...packing, okay got it. Bust it out, babe, let's get this thing figured out!"

So rather than a raunchy night engaged in activities of the condom-needing sort, Sirius and Remus figured out the best way to keep a packer in place in regular boxer briefs via online tutorials, watched some funny videos on YouTube, and enjoyed the comfort of slow kissing. Sirius found himself drifting off to sleep in the warmth of Remus' arms to the soundtrack of the Fire Swamp and the attack of the R.O.U.S.s.

**

Waking up to being sandwiched between James and Peter wasn't the most pleasant thing Sirius had endured, but it wasn't the worst. At least the boys didn't fart too badly most of the time. He squeezed out and padded to the bathroom to check the time on his phone and get ready for the day. It was nice of Remus to put his phone to charge after he fell asleep. Noting that he had a good amount of time, Sirius allowed himself the luxury of a hot shower before getting to work on his shoulder length hair. It was just short enough that he couldn't really tuck it all in a ponytail at the back but it was too long to keep in his face all day when they were going to be walking around out in the heat.

"Can I come in?" James yawned on the other side of the door.

"Sure!"

James sleepily patted his shoulder as he shuffled around Sirius and got to brushing his teeth. The Potters had this strange thing about brushing their teeth before breakfast, after breakfast, after lunch, and after dinner. Sometimes even an extra brush right before bed if the dinner was early enough. James was seriously the only person he had ever known to carry a portable toothbrush on his person everyday. As honorary member of the Potter family, Sirius had already brushed his teeth that morning.

"You gonna get on the rides?" James yawned as he finished rinsing out his mouth.

"Yeah, I think so." Sirius tugged up his jeans before remembering the packer. "Can you step out for a minute? I need to put in the packer."

James grinned. "Good for you!" he cheered with a high-five. Then his face softened a little. "Just know that you don't _have_ to wear it if you hate it. That doesn't make you any less of a guy."

Sirius flushed and grinned widely. "Thanks James." 

Frowning at his reflection, he resisted slipping the binder over his head for a few more minute to give his skin and muscles a break. He hadn't meant to fall asleep with the binder on and Remus probably didn't know that it wasn't a good idea for him to sleep with it on. Unfortunately, they were going to be out all day and he needed to wear it. He would just have to suck it up. Besides, one slip up wasn't going to hurt anything. He just had to be sure to take it off for bed tonight. With that decided, he placed the packer and adjusted it until he was comfortable. Then he slipped the binder back over his chest and slipped on a simple grey t-shirt. Black wasn't the best to wear when spending the whole day outdoors in the sun.

"Hurry up!" Peter groaned as he banged on the door. "I need to pee!"

"Finishing up!"

By the time everyone was stumbling out to the kitchen, James already had the breakfast spread out for anyone to dig in. Sirius grinned widely as he thought that James really did take after his mother in a lot of ways. He had even cut the oranges into cute shapes and speared the grapes onto kabob sticks.

"Want some toast?" he asked cheerfully as Sirius hopped next to him.

"Yes, mummy!"

James tutted him as he pulled out the multigrain bread and shoved a couple of slices into the toaster. 

"G'morning," Remus grumbled sleepily as he shuffled towards them. Sirius choked back the desire to "awww" over his boyfriend as the werewolf had shuffled over in a frayed and oversized sweater, jogging shorts, and fuzzy slippers that looked like they had seen better days. His eyes were still mostly shut and his hair was the epitome of cute bed-head. 

"Good morning, babe," he settled for as he pulled the sleepy boy into his arms. "Sleep well?"

"Mphgh."

"Remus is SO not a morning person!" Gideon laughed as he stepped in from the porch where Fabian was still doing pushups. "We've never been able to get him to come to morning workouts with us!"

Sirius just wanted to bundle his boy in a nest of blankets and pillows and lounge all day with him. "He's fine the way he is, Gid. Want some toast?"

Remus jerked as if he had been startled awake and nodded before resting his forehead back on Sirius' shoulder and breathing deeply. 

"Is he sleeping while standing?" James asked incredulously as he handed over the buttered toast.

"I think so," Sirius giggled as he helped Remus shuffle over to the couch where he promptly curled up and snuggled into Sirius' side.

"Don't let him fall asleep!" Lily warned as she breezed into the room in her green jumpsuit and sensible tennis shoes. "We'll never get him out of here before noon if you go easy on him!"

"Yeah!" Marlene added as she added some of the fruit to her plate. "Sleepy boy over there can sleep on the way to the park."

"Come on," Sirius muttered encouragingly as he ran fingers through Remus' bed head. "Let's get you dressed, okay? You can sleep on my shoulder in the van."

Bleary hazel eyes blinked open and focused on Sirius before a lopsided grin graced that handsome face. "M'sorry."

"It's okay, babe. If it weren't for James I probably wouldn't be a morning person either. Here, have a bite of toast. That'll help."

After a couple of bites Remus had enough strength to get back to his room and change and within the hour they were all climbing into the bus for a day of fun.

**

The day seemed to run past in a blur or rides, overpriced food, and bluegrass music. The teenagers explored every inch of the quirky theme park and by the time they returned to the oasis of the timeshare all of them but James were sporting sun burns. Even Remus' golden skin was tinged with red across his cheeks and nose where the large scar was now pink. 

"The sun block didn't help as much as I'd hoped," Sirius laughed as he stared at his face in the selfie camera.

Remus poked him in the neck before pressing a kiss to the same spot. "Just imagine how red you'd be if you didn't use any."

"I'd probably be purple," he admitted before flicking Remus' red nose. "Your natural tan makes me jealous."

Things had gotten quiet as everyone seemed to have gone off to bed early to recover from all the walking and burning and Sirius had taken advantage of the peace and quiet to drag Remus out to the screened in porch and the hot tub out there. Keeping their upper bodies well out of the steaming hot water, they sat squeezed together on the bench of one side.

"How'd you feel with the packer today?" the green-eyed teen asked before nipping at his boyfriend's ear.

Sirius bit his lip and shrugged. He was currently in nothing but his swim shorts and a t-shirt. Even his binder was back in the bedroom. 

"It felt like a relief to have it on and I kind of wanted to keep touching over the front of my pants because it felt real, but you know, I didn't want to be gross or anything. And then about half way through the day I just felt...like an impostor or something." 

The last words were spoken quietly and Remus had to lean in to catch them. He frowned and twisted his lips in thought for a moment before speaking.

"I know that I don't really understand all your struggles, but I hope that you know that I don't see you as an impostor. None of your friends do because we love you and we know that you're a boy. Even if you decided that you wanted to be fem and wear a dress and makeup sometimes or _all_ the time, that wouldn't make me think of you as any less a man than I am."

Sirius quirked his lips up in an amused smile. "Yeah?"

"Absolutely," Remus assured him. "I'd even wear a dress and makeup too if you wanted," he added with a wink. 

This made Sirius laugh again and bump his shoulder against Remus. "You're the best, babe. I'm going to hold you to that, you know. I might even request a dress and makeup regardless."

"I have great legs," Remus tossed back with a flirty grin. 

"Ugh, I wish that I had your confidence. Honestly, Remus, what are they feeding you at that farm? A steady diet of self-esteem?"

This brought a laugh to the taller boy and he shrugged. "I guess it comes from being in a family of weirdos that just roll with being weirdos. You are neither a weirdo nor had a proper family until James."

"Well, I for one am glad that you're my weirdo."

Remus grinned lopsidedly and ran his fingertips over Sirius' shoulders. "Want to go make out on the couch for a couple of hours?"

"Sounds good to me!" he giggled in response. "Let me get in some dried clothes and my binder first."

"Sure."

They tickled at each other teasingly as they crawled out of the hot tub and before they got to the sliding door Sirius jerked to a halt and grabbed Remus' hand to keep him from moving. Before Remus had a chance to ask what was up, Sirius made a choked off squealing noise and excitedly pointed towards the other side of the door. Remus squinted his eyes to see past their reflections and was surprised to see what his boyfriend was so excited about. 

"Is that-?" he whispered.

"YES!" Sirius whispered back excitedly.

"They might be there for a while by the looks of it," Remus stated dryly and Sirius snorted as he tried to keep from laughing raucously. "Ah well. I suppose we'll just have to make out here. To be considerate of course."

Crossing his arms over his chest, Sirius grinned and nodded. "Of course, Remus. The epitome of consideration."

With one last backwards glance before they moved towards the outdoor furniture, Sirius relished in the sight of James pressing Severus against the kitchenette's island and their mouths pressed lustily together. There wasn't a doubt in Sirius' mind that things weren't going to be easy in the long run. Not for any of them, really. There were many obstacles and a lot of growing up to do. He still didn't know what the soccer association was going to decide and he didn't know if Severus was going to want to keep up a secret romance. He didn't know what future full moons held for Remus or if they would ever go all the way. 

What Sirius did know was that he and Remus were here right now and they were in a place full of their friends and family. 

Tonight, they had love. 

Remus grabbed his hand and tugged Sirius away from the door, his crooked grin lit up in the light of the waxing moon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the wait on this chapter!!!! It just kept unfolding bit by bit and I tried not to make it too heavy. Thank you for your support. <3
> 
> Feel free to chat me up on Tumblr @WolfyWordWeaver.


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